How to reach your goals by stopping people-pleasing behavior!
If you are making decisions or behave in certain ways, because of the opinions of others – or based on what you THINK others want you to do, are, look like etc. it is most likely that you are caught in the trap of people-pleasing.
Instead of focusing on you and your goals you are constantly feeling the need to match other people’s beliefs, opinions, or expectations, and to act/react on that. What this does is, that you will have a hard time
- in being clear for yourself about what YOU really WANT and NEED, and
- feeling aligned with YOUR truth and values, and
- finding YOUR very own WAY to SUCCESS, and live the life you dream of.
If you find yourself often in a situation where you change your opinions based on who you talk to, or look for appreciation everywhere and are discouraged, demotivated or self-doubting, as soon as someone doesn’t appreciate what you do or say, you should take the time to check in with your own feelings and beliefs, checking the facts and decide on base of your feelings, thoughts & goals / adapting based on your own conclusions.
And yes, obviously I am talking about this, because I had the same issue and have it still sometimes today, when I am not too aware of what I am doing/saying/writing… As far as I have learned these kind of behaviors are caused by childhood trauma, from times where it was developed to have a slightly less devastating outcome when reacting or just “being there”…
I often talk about those things because I figured them out to be responsible stopping me from doing the right and good things in my adult life for myself, when it comes to reaching personal life goals.
Though there is nobody abusing or real threat anymore, the mind still is in the state of surviving and acts accordingly. But the good news is with the recognition of a behavior that doesn’t serve us, we are able to overcome it or transform it!
People-pleasing behavior is often affective, you don’t even are aware of what you are acting on until you did it. Being more thoughtful and mindful about your own actions (why you react or act in a certain way) will help with that.
Of course, it is a good thing to behave in a way that doesn’t hurt others, but it is also important that your behavior serves you and FEELS RIGHT for YOU! You don’t want to live your life to meet other people’s needs, you want to live the life that was meant for YOU!
And remember, you are not a helpless child anymore, you can deal with rejection, discomfort or people not being happy with what you are doing!!! Once you understood that your well-being is NOT depending on the feelings of others, but on YOUR OWN perception and what YOU do for yourself, life gets much easier. If you are afraid losing people on that path, ask yourself if those people are the people you want to be with, if their needs always are above your own needs…
The graphic shows different examples of how you might change your own thinking when it comes up.
Let me know if you have any questions or experiences you would like to talk about.
Have a beautiful day in alignment with your VERY OWN TRUTH!